My eyes stare blankly at the screen as I scroll down the Xello page.

Horse trainer.

Comedian.

Nanny. 

Laughing, I grab the attention of my friends and show them the careers that say “excellent match.” We’re covering our mouths with our hands trying to keep quiet when it dawns on me. 

I have no idea what I want to do.

Ever since I was in Kindergarten I’ve dreamed about being a doctor. As I got older, I decided I specifically wanted to be a pediatrician. 

However, in middle school, I realized I was just pretending to understand and enjoy my science classes so that I could be a pediatrician. 

It hurt a lot to think about a job that wasn’t in the medical field, it felt like I was letting down the child in me. I started scrolling almost obsessively through Indeed and Xello, trying to find jobs that interested me. 

Field surgeon, school counselor and therapist are all jobs that I stuck with for, at most, a few weeks, but eventually dropped. Since the end of first quarter, I’ve tried to stay on a path to becoming an English teacher for Xello’s sake.  

Doubt clouds my mind as I enroll in a child development class, and I wonder if I’ll change my mind again. 

One of my worst fears is dedicating time and money to a job I’ll regret later on when I graduate college or university. I can’t help but feel like it’s a little unfair that I, a 15-year-old, have to pick out my career now so I can follow a plan to get there in high school.

If I choose the wrong career, can I go back? 

Will I be stuck doing something I hate? 

I know that I can’t keep changing my mind forever, but there’s so many jobs and so many opportunities that I want to curl up into a ball and let someone pick for me.

There’s only one thing that’s keeping me from losing all my sanity, my mom’s perseverance. My mom is a 40 something year old who’s been working at her job for 18 years. 

You’d think that she’d continue working there for a couple more years and eventually retire happily. But for the past two years she’s been taking an online college course to get her Health Information Management degree so she can switch jobs. She’s still working full time and she takes her tests and does her homework in her freetime. 

She reminds me that it’s never too late to change what you don’t like and to chase the opportunities that may come your way.

If you’re worried about what you’re going to do in the future, you’re not alone. 

It’s scary picking out a job you feel like you’re going to have to do for the rest of your life, but it doesn’t mean you’re trapped.