Just a little boy

Caps and gowns. Tears and goodbyes. After this school year, I’m supposed to know what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. The truth is, I already know. I just pretend that I don’t so I won’t sound crazy. I’m about to graduate, and I still have my heart set on being a rock star.

Is that a little immature? Sure it is. But that’s probably one of the first words I would use to describe myself. My family and I often joke that I am a child trapped in the body of a teenager. But it’s not really OK. There are lots of things that are childish about my personality. I’m so easily distracted. I lose everything. I forget important dates. I’m afraid of the dark. I can’t go to the bathroom in the presence of other people. Yet, I like all of these things about myself.

I might be the most irresponsible teenager on the planet. My parents know this more than anyone. Just last week, I ignored the oil light on my car long enough for the engine to practically explode. Needless to say, I’ve taken up an interest in walking.

How am I ever going to make it in the real world? I can’t see myself sitting behind a desk and holding a normal job. I’d lose interest. I’d suffocate. I’d be fired in an instant. That brings me back to my original point: I want to be a rock star.

It’s not so much that I desire fame, because I don’t. I wouldn’t mind it, but what I really want is my words to be heard. I want to inspire people with my music the way that so many artists inspired me. I don’t care if I have to play on a street corner for the rest of my life; I’m going for it.

I want to play a show in front of a packed crowd where a young, insecure girl hears a lyric in one of my songs. I want her to hold onto that lyric and be inspired by it. I want her to go to school the next day with her head held high, not worried about the rumors that the other girls spread about her.

I want the teenage son of a soldier to hear something in my songs that tells him that his dad is safe and coming home. I want to work miracles with my words. I know that this is possible because I’ve been on the receiving end of this system for a long time now. It’s time for me to give back.

For me, musicians like Jesse Lacey and Conor Oberst were a major influence. Their perfectly crafted verses packed with clever and meaningful words got me through a lot of hard times. When I consider all of the emotional lows that music has walked me through, I feel blessed. Music has the power to work miracles. Music changed my life.

If I could perform miracles like these with my music, I would never stop writing. If I could give the same relief to people that music has granted me, I would be the happiest “little boy” in the world.