Treat your ladies well

Although the times change, how men treat women should always stay the same.

Jeremy Allen

I have the secret. Whether you’re a pubescent high school student or a 60-year-old man spending free time naked on Chatroulette, you need to listen. I have finally figured out how to pick up women.

I won’t lie; you may find the answer unsettling, and some of you will need to change your entire lifestyle when it comes to women (or enroll in Tool Academy). I finally have accepted and embraced it.

The answer comes in three words: reason, attention and respect.

I understand that a majority of the men reading this are thinking, “What’s respect?” Don’t think too hard; you’re not smart enough, and I understand you’ve never been taught the concept of respect before. I’ll explain it to you.

The first thing men must figure out is why they are getting into a relationship in the first place. If it is for the physical gratification (sadly, many cases are), you need to seriously rethink your priorities. It’s pathetic and in no way should be a factor in any healthy relationship. Women don’t want a guy who constantly believes he is going to create his own porno scene. There’s a reason Ron Jeremy isn’t married.

You need to take some time to consider why you want to be in a relationship even before you take that step with your special lady. When you’re in a relationship, one of the most important things to learn is how to put somebody else before yourself. After being in a relationship myself for six-and-a-half months, I have learned that if you are selfish in a relationship, you aren’t going anywhere. You need to put her first.

Sadly, the next point is one of the most commonly forgotten relationship necessities: attention. It’s the essence of any relationship. Giving a girl your full attention and expressing interest in her feelings is a guaranteed way for any girl to like you. Yes, tools, that means you are actually going to have stop talking about you and your “bros” and listen for once. Lending a girl some of your time shows that you actually care. Trust me, that goes a long way.

The last tip is the most important. I believe Aretha Franklin said (or wailed) it the best: respect. I understand it’s hard to grasp the concept, but girls don’t particularly like to be treated the way they are portrayed in rap videos. Showing a girl respect from the beginning of even a friendship will show your maturity. You’ll be amazed at how girls would rather talk to you than the guy who’s trying too hard by throwing out lame innuendos at her. And, I’m sorry, but this means no more cheesy pickup lines, guys.

That’s it. When I learned these ideals and applied them, it did wonders for me.

I found soon that when I gave girls attention and respect they deserved, they gave it back. I didn’t even realize it would lead me into the relationship I’m in right now. I put my girlfriend first and found reason for my relationship.

My message to all men: Treat all women with respect, regardless of if you’re in a relationship with them or not. What you give is what you’ll get back. That’s what being in a relationship is all about ­— mutual respect and affection.