The terms “talking,” “casual” or “situationship” are all things that course through my mind before a migraine sets in. It feels as though I cannot escape the onslaught of theories from TikTok influencers still living with their parents about “how to make a guy obsessed with you” or “how to leave the talking stage.”

Ironically, instead of actually talking to people, as is in the name, “talking stages” are a series of superficial conversations loaded with acronyms where teenagers ask three things over and over through Snapchat.

Wyd? (What are you doing?)

  Wyll? (What do you look like?)

Wyf? (Where are you from?)

Or, people ask very surface-level questions pertaining to whatever my favorite color is or if I have any pets. But that’s not a conversation! That’s 21 questions. Or awkward speed dating in a new elective that your counselor dropped you into. Or an exit ticket for first graders.

It feels as though our goal is to see who can get to know the other person quickest. And what follows naturally, who can get bored quickest? And the worst part is, once someone becomes bored, they just never talk to you ever again — hence the modern beauty of social media. And the block button.

It’s frustrating, not only because our attention spans are dwindling rapidly, but also because people my age are losing the skill of being able to hold a conversation or get to know people. 

We are too young to know exactly who we are, or what we like, or what we want out of relationships. We need to stop forcing that image of what we expect to be “the perfect partner” onto other people — how are we supposed to find this when all they respond with is “blue”? More importantly, why do we need to find this at 17?

Needless to say, last year I really traumatized my friends with my dating life. I’ve talked to guys who thought “Brazilian” was a language. Guys who had a bong in their trunk. Guys who talked in a baby voice sometimes. Guys who should not have been administered a driver’s license. Guys who sent me shirtless pictures after their basketball games. Anyways…you get the picture.

This was through Snapchat, Instagram, my gym or class. I was typically the person to reach out or approach someone first.

So you can probably guesstimate just how much self-respect I had!

But seriously, I wanted what everyone else my age does. To be wanted. Teenagers, especially, will use relationships or “talking stages” to fill the holes in their life. Why think about working on your own insecurities when someone else can validate them for you? Even if this means getting used or mistreated. Many prefer that to being alone. 

Teens, like myself, are not only hesitant to address and prioritize our own growth but also meaningful connections. That starts with addressing your wants in a relationship. 

For some, this is sex. For others, it’s having someone to talk with on FaceTime at night, or over coffee once a week. 

We’re no longer taking the time to understand and appreciate people for their authenticity and personal qualities, because we’re lonely. We need someone to fill those gaps. So it doesn’t matter who that is, as long as they reply to our Snaps quickly and answer our calls when we’re bored.

One of the most startling commonalities that I’ve noticed is people’s inability to form a conversation. 

Now, I’m starting to realize that’s asking a lot.

Hey, maybe that new communications credit will count for something after all.

But, in my experience, people are either too shy and won’t text first or say anything, even in person. Or I can’t get them to stop talking…about themselves. 

When we don’t appreciate or know the person before us, and we’re rushing into things for cheap thrills of course we won’t know what to say. And if we don’t have many opportunities that let us talk about what’s going on in our lives, of course, once given the chance, it’s hard to stop.

But regardless, we need these things: patience, a desire for growth and self-preservation, and the ability to understand how conversations work, and then practice having them. 

I love talking to strangers. And I’m not just saying that as a reporter. I think there is no better way to become a more confident, professional and fun person than getting practice at talking and understanding different types of people.

You aren’t just born a witty conversationalist. It’s a muscle you have to be consciously working. And this doesn’t just have to be in a romantic sense. But that can be easier. 

So please. Delete Snapchat. Text first. Stop asking what their favorite color is. And focus on becoming the person you want to be before finding someone who’s “good enough.” Or don’t, and have some great awful stories to tell. At least that part’s worth it.