I walk through the doors. Inside waits a giant cafeteria. Grey lunch tables fill up the whole room. 

“GO TO THE AUX GYM!”

Heading there, I can only think about one thing.

I don’t want to be here.

St. Joseph Catholic School was already bad enough. Why would Northwest be any different?

I walk into the Aux Gym. It is packed with people wearing bright orange ‘SMNW Link Crew’ shirts . The bleachers are packed with hundreds of other freshmen. 

I don’t know a single person here.

“Go get your name tag at the tables!” 

I get my nametag and sit in the bleachers. 

What am I doing here? 

A private school kid in a public school. I never talked to anyone at St Joseph, so why would Northwest be any different? 

I sit through the assembly awkwardly, not talking to anyone, just listening to Mathew Wolfe talk. We finally get sent to small group sessions. Thank god I am out of the assembly.

Walking through the halls is like walking through a maze. 

How do these hallways connect? Where am I even going? Where are any of my classes? St. Joseph was half the size of this. How am I supposed to even manage getting around?

As we go through the activities in the small group sessions, the time feels infinite. Every minute feels like 30. 

I don’t want to be here.

I don’t talk to any of the other people in the group unless I’m forced to. 

I don’t know any of these people. 

I don’t want to start a conversation, they’ll just think I’m weird. 

The weird, awkward private school kid. I didn’t have any friends at St. Joseph, so why would Northwest be any different? 

I just sit and wonder. Will I ever make friends here?

***

5:45 wake up. The earliest I’ve been up in months. 

Normal morning routine: shower, get dressed, eat, brush my teeth. I head to school. 

I walk through the same doors I’ve walked through every morning the past 2 years. Inside is a giant cafeteria. 

I walk to the main gym. Inside, there are tons of people wearing bright orange ‘SMNW Link Crew’ shirts – including me.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUS!!” Junior Louisa Bartlett said.

Today is my 16th birthday. 

It is also the freshman’s first day of school.

I talk to all my friends about the freshman first day and what the plans are for the day. 

As I sit on the bleachers surrounded by those I care about and all the friends I’ve made in the past 2 years, I realize … Northwest is different from St. Joseph.