Growing up, I never really considered my family members to be real people with lives and personalities. This sounds crazy, but each time we went up to visit my dad’s side in Grand Rapids, Mich. During Thanksgiving, all the adults felt like extras in a movie. 

After making the 12 hour road trip to see my Aunt Brandie, instead of running up and giving her a hug, all eight-year-old me really cared about was eating pizza and butter cookies in her basement while watching “Garfield” or “The Pink Panther.” Obviously, my young brain’s focus was very narrow, and I had a low tolerance for anything that wasn’t animated, on TV or coated in sugar/grease. 

This year was different. For one, my brother, Dre, didn’t come with us. He couldn’t get time off from his job at Dillards, and spent time with his girlfriend, Carol, instead, buying matching pajama sets and doing other cringey couples stuff.

My favorite cousins are much older than me. Brandon, who just got married, was in Georgia with his wife, Tessa. And Robert had his hands full with an adorable toddler and a marketing startup. 

But that’s besides the point. 

During our trip, I spent hours with my Aunt Brandie, since we were crashing at her place. We tried out aloe vera hair masks, watched “The Devil Wears Prada” and every awful Hallmark movie, made mashed potatoes and had long late night talks. 

I heard about her high school boyfriend who was an alcoholic, and why she’s looking for a new job. We decorated a room together with Beanie Babies and sticker books for when my second cousin Addy comes to stay. I made more jokes at her expense than at my own dad’s, which is saying a lot. And I got to know what a cool person she is. 

I’m now kicking my 8-year-old self for screwing around with toys and movies all that time in her basement. I could have been upstairs in the kitchen with grown ups, pretending my grape soda was red wine and butting into conversations. I could have been getting to know the people who share my blood. 

I wish I’d spent more time talking with my grandpa and hearing his stories instead of trying to torture Tuesday, their tabby cat and watching “Home Alone” on the living room couch.

He had a heart attack in May, and his hospice nurse is still on call.

Now I look forward to every holiday and the chance to hear their voices. 

I guess they made the main cast list.